umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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