i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
