she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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