Non-Jews are for practice
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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