i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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