Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
