I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
