so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it glows. i had to have it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
