I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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