So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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