Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish i was in the wii world.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
