I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
