At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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