If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
