your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
