So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
