My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
