I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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