I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
