Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
