I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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