Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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