so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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