There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
