Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
