Are we in a gay sports bar?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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