how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
