Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
