God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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