I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
