Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
