I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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