I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
