the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
