if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
