Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I party with great urgency now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
