Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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