Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
