can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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