Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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