The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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