Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Me too!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
