It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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