i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
