I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
