Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
