went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
