I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize