You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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