We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
