my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
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can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He has the fingertips of a God
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