I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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