im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
