It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
