It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.