Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
