im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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