I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
