Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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