just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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