Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
