Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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