if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Who died my cat blue again?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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