Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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