her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
