you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
