took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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