I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
