Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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