My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
