She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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