I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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