too bad you live with your parents still
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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