my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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