how can u be prego again
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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