that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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