the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize